May The Lord’s name be glorified. I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude for your prayers and support during a very painful time of my life. My family and I have been through a traumatic time for the past month.
I was suffering from backache and right leg pain for a long time. However, during recent months, the intensity of pain increased to such an extent that it began affecting my daily routine and work. After a lot of prayer and deliberation, we decided to go in for surgery.
1 st Surgery
I was admitted to Sparsh Hospital, Bangalore on the 14th of May 2020. My consulting Spine Surgeon did 1st surgery on 16th May 2020. Once General Anesthesia began to wear off, I experienced excruciating pain on my right leg. It was much more in intensity than before. I was crying in pain. The Doctor advised us to wait. The pain went on for agonizing 4 days. As I am allergic to certain medications, they could not give me much for the pain to subside.
2 nd Surgery
On 20th May 2020, my surgeon decided to re-operate. This decision was taken in a hurry because we had started to consult other surgeons over the phone. I remember being given Anesthesia and slowly drifting off. Then suddenly when they were transferring me onto the operating table, I regained my consciousness. I was completely aware of my surroundings!! As the surgery began, I was aware of everything. I endured excruciating pain for about 4.5hrs. I tried to move, speak, or jerk, but nothing was possible. The pain was unbearable and I cried out to God. I wanted Him to take my life as I could not bear it anymore. I had given up. I felt that God, who was my friend, had just abandoned me. I cried and cried for help but no help came. How could God allow me to go through this much?? He knows I can’t bear this. By the end of the surgery, I had reached the peak of endurance and I felt my eyes protrude out. Once the surgery was completed, the doctors realized that something was wrong as I was drenched in sweat and was unresponsive. The doctors tried to revive me for about an hour.
Gradually I came into consciousness and told the doctors that I was awake during the entire surgery. At first, they could not believe this. However, when I recounted their entire conversation in the OT, they realized that I was telling the truth. Many doctors came and apologized to me.
I was left traumatized by this experience. I began seeing horrible things, I could not sleep. I felt abandoned by God. It was a horrible feeling. Throughout my life, my only strength was God. I would pour out my heart before Him for everything possible. But after this, I felt empty. What was the point of life? If God was my Father, how could He allow me to go through this agonizing experience? Did this just not affect him?
Hope in my despair: But a sister from my church came and explained that people who are conscious during surgery and feel the pain usually don’t survive this experience. They suffer from cardiac arrest and die. But God held my hand and took me through this. He was very much
present!! He held me through this, preserved my life and that is why I am alive to tell my story. I was so encouraged. Oh yes!! Amen. My God was and still is with me. Even though God permitted all this to happen, He did not allow Satan to take my life.
(Just like in Job 1:12- The Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person.”).
One Challenge after another:
I was discharged on 26th May 2020. This was not the end of my pain. On 28th May 2020, Cerebrospinal fluid began to leak from the wound in large quantities. This was due to injury to the spinal cord during surgery. I was discouraged again. Why was this entire thing happening to me??
We went back to the same hospital and got dressing done. The CSF leak persisted. I was not able to hold my head up; my vision began to be affected. I was rushed to Fortis Hospital, Bangalore. The Doctors initially were unwilling to admit me as they said only 2 possible outcomes can happen; either paralysis or death. But at our risk, they admitted me.
A CT Myelogram was to be done. The Doctors tried to do the spinal tap to inject the dye for the investigation. They tried to prick and get the correct point. But failed around 15-20 times. I was in great pain. I began losing hope. The Doctors had given up and were going to postpone the investigation to another day when one of our believer sisters working there convinced a Doctor from another department to come. They usually do not agree to come as it is against usual work protocol. However, by God’s grace that Doctor came and was able to do the spinal tap in just one prick. God showed that He is in control once again. I could see His hand working. God placed His dear ones at the right place at the right time. Thanking God for that!!
3 rd Surgery
At Fortis Hospital, I underwent a 3rd surgery on 2ND June 2020 to repair the injury to the spinal cord. After the surgery, I still had a CSF leak for which the Doctors told us that a 4th surgery will be needed to place a shunt from the spinal cord into the abdomen to drain the fluid. It would be a permanent shunt. I just screamed out loud and cried. I had enough and was too traumatized to go in for a 4th procedure…I asked the Doctors for just 2 days to pray. They agreed at our risk. We all prayed. Believers all across the globe including all of you prayed for me.
When the Doctor came to check me he remarked; “Some miracle seems to be happening”. Praise God!!! I was discharged from Fortis Hospital on 12th June 2020. I am still on absolute bed rest and have months of recovery ahead of me…
Only your prayers got me through this. I felt the Loving hand of God at each moment. I pray that God May Bless each one of you abundantly. I am so grateful for all your love, concern, and support towards me and my family. Please pray for my husband (Juby) and 2 kids (Josh 15yrs and Dan 12yrs). We need abundant grace and strength in the days ahead.
Lots of love and regards, May God bless you ….